Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

[zff]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

I have another physics groaner...

Two atoms collide.
"Hey, watch where you're going! I just lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

[cyleet99]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

Groaner from our resident 4th grader:

Why don't sharks eat clowns?



'Cause they taste funny!!

[acousticlady]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

And here I thought that Physics jokes went in the BEST joke category

For the record, I did not start with the silly physics jokes - but since you mention it......

There is a story circulating that Heisenburg had been at a dinner party one night and was driving a little too fast on his way home. When he was pulled over by the cop, he was asked "Do you know how fast you were going?" He replied, "Why no officer, but I know EXACTLY where I am!"

[matapule]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

Jokes are very much a cultural thing, whether we are talking about etnicity, gender, or profession.

I told the following joke to my Mexican buddies.

I asked, "who'se the MOST important person at a Mexican wedding?"

My buddies said they didn't know.

I said, "the guy with the jumper cables for the car battery!"

My buddies looked at me blankly, with no expression. Then one of them said, "That's not funny, it's the truth."

[zff]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

And here I thought that Physics jokes went in the BEST joke category

I have one more.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives it to him.
"How much for the drink?"
"For you? No charge."



Ok, how about a chemistry joke?

What do you with a dead chemist? (hint: 56)

[acousticlady]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

I have one more.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives it to him.
"How much for the drink?"
"For you? No charge."



Ok, how about a chemistry joke?

What do you with a dead chemist? (hint: 56)

Barium!!!

[Barry]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

Did you know that Davey Crocket had three ears. Yup, he had a left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.

[surlygirly]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

Three strings are walking down the street. They see a bar they want to go into, but the sign on the wall says, "No Strings Allowed." The first two try anyway, but promptly get kicked out. The third ties himself into a bow and roughs up his edges a bit. He goes in, sits down, and orders a drink. The waiter says, "I just kicked your buddies out! We don't serve strings! Aren't you a string?" The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

[Barry]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

Very good but can we get back to being silly ?

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

Ans > No idea

then what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?


Ans > Still No idea.

[Kalalau]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

During the Lewinsky-Clinton scandal a prosecutor had one of President Clinton's lady friends read from Lewinsky's testimony, then he asked her if what Lewinsky said sounded like what she had experienced. She thought a moment and said, "Well...close, but no cigar!"

[surlygirly]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

That was my very best worst joke! Errrgh.

Okay...what do you get when you cross a bird and a lawnmower?

Shredded tweet.

Better?

[Barry]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

A woman is pregnant for the first time and watching TV when her waters break. Her husband is out at the pub and she panics as all their plans can not be put into place.

In a complete horror she strides to the phone and calls emergency. The operator answers "Emergency which service do you require?"

By now getting very Irate the woman announces "Ambulance!! I'm about to have my first baby, we had planned the route and everything, but my useless husband is out drinking and my waters have broken!! If I don't...."

The operator calmly interrupted "Can you tell me where you are ringing from?"

The woman replied "From my panties down to my ankles, I JUST TOLD YOU MY WATERS BROKE!" (Explains > Ringing can mean phone calling or soaking wet. lol)

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

In the science-jokes division...

"Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic."

[Barry]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

I saw that lovely photo here of the beautiful ship docked in Hawai'i and it brought back to me a funny story (well not that funny) that I hope you don't mind me sharing in the agony jokes thread.


CUNARD

The ship in question was built at Cunard and as I was travelling past Cunard buildings on the bus with my mate.
He said, "I used to work Fer Cunard."
A lady in the seat behind tapped him on the shoulder and said. "How hard did you work ?"

She must have thought he said, " I used to work Feckin Hard."

[Mike_Lowery]

Re: Worst Joke I've Heard in Ages

So a neutron walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a dry martini. He gulps it and asks the bartender, "how much?" The bartender responds, "for you? No charge."


Wokka wokka wokka!