It's all relative

[SusieMisajon]

Re: It's all relative

I reckon that family and friends can think what they want and have their own opinions....as long as they let me have mine.

[kani-lehua]

Re: It's all relative

I reckon that family and friends can think what they want and have their own opinions....as long as they let me have mine.

that's exactly why i needed to "divorce" my family. my opinion never mattered or i should say, i never mattered.

uwe ka lani! the heavens are weeping/crying in kailua right now. it's a stormin'.

[sinjin]

Re: It's all relative

I'm sorry to hear, Sinjin


My favorite line from Everclear's Father of Mine is:

Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will

What can you do? My son's fond of repeating the popular show title, "My Dad's Better Than Your Dad" to me jokingly, maybe. I think he's right. I guess a negative role model is underrated. A father's greatest hope for his son to be a better man than himself. Mission accomplished.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: It's all relative

My son's fond of repeating the popular show title, "My Dad's Better Than Your Dad" to me jokingly, maybe.

Haha, how sweet

Maybe a little bitter sweet, but meh, you take what you can get.

[LonLeroux]

Re: It's all relative

Oy, vey...you make one little mistake and it haunts you for the rest of your life!
I'm sick of people accusing me that I've slipped back into my eating disorder when I sit down to eat with family. Apparently, if you don't scarf everything on your plate in 2.5 second, you're anorexic again.

How could I possibly finish what the family puts in front of me? There was enough on my plate alone to feed a third world country. I'll never understand their obsession with food.

[acousticlady]

Re: It's all relative

Oy, vey...you make one little mistake and it haunts you for the rest of your life!
I'm sick of people accusing me that I've slipped back into my eating disorder when I sit down to eat with family. Apparently, if you don't scarf everything on your plate in 2.5 second, you're anorexic again.

How could I possibly finish what the family puts in front of me? There was enough on my plate alone to feed a third world country. I'll never understand their obsession with food.

My sister-in-law has been battling anorexia for 25 years. We have all had to learn how to deal with it. You have mentioned several times that you USED to have anorexia. My understanding is that you will ALWAYS have anorexia. It is not something that goes away. You can have it under control, but you still have it. I worry about the way you refer to it and your family's obsession with food. And why is the family putting all that food in front of you? My guess is, genuine concern.

[LonLeroux]

Re: It's all relative

I really don't think it was concern. You just have to know these people to understand why I feel that way. It's a big part of why I don't visit them more often.

Yes, I recognize the fact that I will always be under the influence of my disorder. I will always eat less than many people and I will always hate my body. However, I don't feel like I'm putting my life in danger as of now.
In any case, I was taught in therapy to think of my problem in the past tense because it makes you feel like you're not in the grips of it as much as you once were. In turn, that makes you more likely to avoid a relapse.

[kani-lehua]

Re: It's all relative

I really don't think it was concern. You just have to know these people to understand why I feel that way. It's a big part of why I don't visit them more often.

i can empathize with you regarding the way you feel about your family and the affects they have had on your life. for me, separation was the only way to move on with MY life and not live the one they had chosen for me. my wish for you is to live YOUR life for YOU.

[LonLeroux]

Re: It's all relative

i can empathize with you regarding the way you feel about your family and the affects they have had on your life. for me, separation was the only way to move on with MY life and not live the one they had chosen for me. my wish for you is to live YOUR life for YOU.

By the sound of it, I think that you can indeed empathize with me. It's this one particular side of the family (my mother's side) that I've practically divorced myself from. They're bitter, controlling, close-minded and they love to be busy-bodies. There are people on that side who still won't talk to me after I came out four years ago. There was one aunt in particular who I really liked but she wouldn't have anything to do with me after that.
Fortunately, I get along very well with my father's side and I see them far more often.

[kani-lehua]

Re: It's all relative

By the sound of it, I think that you can indeed empathize with me. It's this one particular side of the family (my mother's side) that I've practically divorced myself from. They're bitter, controlling, close-minded and they love to be busy-bodies. There are people on that side who still won't talk to me after I came out four years ago. There was one aunt in particular who I really liked but she wouldn't have anything to do with me after that.
Fortunately, I get along very well with my father's side and I see them far more often.

if there is one thing i have learned from "divorcing" my family, it would be that one does not have to ACCEPT others' behavior, but to EXPECT such behavior. your people and my people have been THEIR way for decades. if you are to live YOUR life, you may have to choose to live it without them. why live with all the ugliness and negativity? i made a very difficult decision to move on and am a much happier person living MY life the way i want to.

[lavagal]

Re: It's all relative

I have an aunt who sends me anti-Obama crap on a daily basis. Things like, if you're voting for McCain, please drive around during the day with your lights on. If you're voting for Obama, please drive around at night with your lights off. It goes on. I'd love to send an "UNSUBSCRIBE" to her, but she's family, and I don't need the blowback from that.

I have a friend who is in my September 1999 mommies group. We all had babies in September 1999, and some of us have met in person, some of us have not. Back then, there were say 40 of us, now we're lucky to be a dozen. This particular friend has two daughters the same ages as mine, 6 and 8. She is white, her husband is a black man from Jamaica. Their marriage endured the ire of her father, who didn't acknowledge the marriage nor the children until about three years ago. Her husband is now retired military, and he is staying with his daughters in Japan, where she is stationed from. For more than a year, he served as a medic in Iraq. We were on edge waiting for him to get home, to get out, to rejoin his family. He did a year ago. She is in the military, too, and is a psychologist, mostly missioned to see that behavior health issues are resolved. She is stationed in a hospital, but every three weeks goes out in the field to check on the soldiers. I am so eager for her to finish her tour there, which is November 14. It was hard enough knowing her man was there, but now knowing she is there is quite difficult for our mommies group to take. We are proud of her, but we don't want her to perish, we want her reunited with her family. She'll soon meet her 20 year mark as well, and will retire in the spring. If there were ever a time when I would want time to fly, it is now, for my friend and her family.

[sansei]

Re: It's all relative

hi,i realize this is not the post to post on grandparent's name only from being born into an american japanese family,i still call my deceased grandparent's as ojisan and obasan and not kupuna is my mom is a obasan and not kupuna. sorry if i seemed unkind in my post,

only i was taught to say ojisan and obsan.

Well thank's for your time

[craigwatanabe]

Re: It's all relative

Me too .......

[Walkoff Balk]

Re: It's all relative

How about huhu-jisan to the rascal kid?

[Arriflexer]

Re: It's all relative

Ohana means being really really annoyed with your extended family in-laws who are ancient, were divorced (and still divorced) but are now decrepit inhabiting our small 3 bedroom 2 bath house with me, my wife and two small boys. Totally no help, make messes all day long in the kitchen, and bathroom. It's like having two more kids, only they are not cute. Dad is a former state worker / manager / do nothing who now just likes to try to still be the shuffling do nothing manager and boss around whoever. The kids already don't pay any attention to him. My mother-inlaw goes around our house thinking someone is out to get her, closing all the windows around the house (no ac!!) and wandering around looking out the windows all paranoid. They bicker all day about how much rice to make, petty little things and my wife and I have NO privacy. arrrrrrr! Oh for the good ole days when they would just wander off into the wilderness when they were old and useless. Harsh... but... dude!!! So Irritating! This isn't even anywhere near all the issues.