Leukemia

[shaveice]

Re: Leukemia

hey pomai, i'm so sorry to hear the news about your father. my aunt just passed away last week and in her case, it wasn't because of the cancer that she was battling with. a massive heart attack left her clinging to life with all kinds of tubes/machines attached to her body. she was heavily sedated cuz the docs didn't want her to move. a few days after the attack, they reduced the amount of meds and thankfully she had enough of a presence to be able to communicate with a nod or by blinking her eyes. but this window of opportunity was very brief. they had to put her under again cuz of the pain, etc. the next time they let her come out of this cloud of meds, they asked her if she wanted them to let her go cuz that's what her living will requested and she said yes. i can't imagine how hard it was for her family to ask the doc to pull the plug but they respected her wishes and thankfully, they had a brief time when they could say their goodbyes. naturally, it's a situation that no one would wish for, but they were fortunate that they had a chance to say their goodbyes. moreover, she was fortunate that she was aware of the love in that room. she was with her family and she could move on knowing that she was deeply loved.

i'm sure your dad knew that he was deeply loved by his family, too. take care pomai.

[lurkah]

Re: Leukemia

Sincerest condolensces, Pomai.

Count yourself very blessed to have been able to spend the time that you did with your dad up until his last moments. It's something that I will always envy as I myself wasn't able to do so when I lost my own dad to cancer of the esophagus just over a year ago. And like your dad, the time between his diagnosis and his passing was all too quick, just a few months.

With much aloha.

[Erika Engle]

Re: Leukemia

Pomai -- I'm so sorry for your loss!

Allow yourself to grieve the way YOU need to. A lot of people are going to say well-intentioned, but really stupid, thoughtless things to you, because they just don't know how to act in these situations. Try not to let that affect you -- I mean, it WILL, but you can minimize the impact by just recognizing that they don't have a clue because they've not been in your shoes.

I lost my daddy to cancer in about 1994 (different type). He could not or would not tolerate the conventional treatments and went naturopathic. It didn't work.

I lost my forever love to AML May 5, 2000 (yes, Boy's Day -- and we have three sons, making the annual observance rather bittersweet).

He had been sickly for months, a cough that didn't go away, needing a nap every afternoon ... He also had a completely inept doctor, that just put him on one antibiotic after another. He didn't even take a blood test when Cliff went in yet again and said he thought he might have mononucleosis and described his symptoms -- which included increasing shortness of breath and fatigue. The doctor was the lust-object of many nurses around him and perhaps that occupied most of his time/waking thoughts.

One weekend he walked a few steps up a slight hill and was out of breath, white as a sheet. "Something's wrong," he said. We went to Straub Urgent Care where a different, smart and conscientious doctor did a blood test ... and the results were rechecked twice because they were so way off. He was to go to Straub in town during the week for more tests, etc., ... but the AWESOME nurse called us at home and urged us to go in the next day, which we did.

He survived induction chemo; went into remission. Fell out of remission in like, 45 days and needed a bone marrow transplant. We were sent to a different oncologist for the process. One of Cliff's sisters, the only immeidate family member who lived in Hawaii, was a perfect, six-point bone marrow match. He went into remission again.

He fell out of remission again and we were planning to go up to Seattle (Fred Hutch. Ctr.) for an experimental treatment. As the May 1 departure date drew nearer, his condition deteriorated and we didn't go anywhere.

His parents and other siblings were on the way from the mainland; his mother's birthday was May 4 ... he held on, I'm sure so as not to die on her birthday ... and by late the next afternoon, he could fight no longer.

It had been a nine-month battle ... my forever love was 43 ...

After a long time, the physical aching in my heart faded away -- I tell you that to let you know that THAT part of what people say, is true.

However, it can come back in a heartbeat, the way I feel it right now.

I also continue to miss my dad -- there are so many moments I would have wanted him to have, and still wish he could share in, with his grandchildren.

Both Cliff and my dad could be teaching my sons and daughter so much about what being a man "looks like." My only option now is to share their stories and memories with the kids, which I do, all the time.

I knew this would be a long post, even though I tried to keep it brief.

[tutusue]

Re: Leukemia

...]I knew this would be a long post, even though I tried to keep it brief.

What a beautiful read. Thank you for taking the time, not to mention the emotions, to write it, Erika. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

[Erika Engle]

Re: Leukemia

What a beautiful read. Thank you for taking the time, not to mention the emotions, to write it, Erika. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Thank you, Tutusue.
It was pretty bare bones, without a lot of the emotion I have put into more private writings -- but in addition to the primary purpose of extending sincere condolences to Pomai, it seemed also an appropriate place to honor the two most important men in my life.

Thanks for your feedback!
*hugs*

[1stwahine]

Re: Leukemia

Pretty Lady (Erika), I juss wanted to say...thank you.

I too, Lost my Love of twenty years (ALS) ten years ago. They say time heals. But just like you - it can back in an instant.

Hugs

Auntie Lynn

[Peshkwe]

Re: Leukemia

My father passed from Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. He had battled 10 years, the last 5 were the roughest as it progressed, eventually chewing up his liver, spleen and intestines.

Depression is natural in grieving, it usually eases up after awhile. If you feel like you're starting to spiral way down don't be afraid or ashamed to go talk to someone. If you don't feel ready to go to a professional about it, talk to Aunty (that is if she's willing), she's a strong lady and would be a good person to listen to you being she's been there and back.

I'm not saying she could give you medical advice other than maybe telling you who to contact if you need the professional side of things, it's just sometimes healing to talk to someone who's familiar with the place you're in right now.

[cezanne]

Re: Leukemia

I'm sorry about the loss of your father Pomai. Hang in there.

[Pomai]

Re: Leukemia

Thank you all so much for the condolences and sharing of personal experiences about this. I've absorbed every word said. It really helps to be able to talk about, than to hold in anger and sorrow with questions of "why" and "how" unanswered.

AML does suck. Still, in a way we were fortunate that his suffering was only 3 months, and not drawn out over years as it could have been.

What's most important is that my dad was a fighter all the way 'til the last hour. He wanted to live and kept his hopes high that the first chemo' would be a success. When he knew it was over after the pneumonia set in, he came to terms with it and said he was "ready". He was OK with that and at peace.

At one point we were going to send him to Mayo Clinic, but his body was already weak and breathing too difficult to risk a long plane ride.

Throughout those 3 months, our family said Rosary, Father George came to bless him in the hospital and my girlfriend and I chanted Daimoku. So spiritually he was always in good hands.

It's been 2 days now since he passed, and at this point I think I've cried myself dry and am ready to lift my spirits up and smile up at him.

Thank you once again for the sharing and aloha, and to everyone here who's mentioned losing loved ones and friends, I shall add them in my prayers.

Pomaika'i

[junebloom]

Re: Leukemia

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost someone I loved about two years ago to cancer I truly am sorry.

[AbsolutChaos]

Re: Leukemia

My condolences also. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Kilinahe]

Re: Leukemia

My heartfelt condolences, Pomai. I'll be praying for you and your family.

[WindwardOahuRN]

Re: Leukemia

Condolences, to Pomai and all others here who posted about losing those they loved...

Sad, heartbreaking. So sorry.

I could post personal stories but, when all is said and done, the feelings of pain, anguish, and loss are just so universal. We all share in the sorrow.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Leukemia

Life goes on and so must his memories. It is yours and your family's task to remember and carry on his legacy by being what he's planted within you. Be successful and he will rest assured he did his work on earth and did it well.

God bless you Pomai and your family, cherish your father's life in your memories and feel his spirit guiding you as you go on with yours.

[Pomai]

Re: Leukemia

FDA approves new leukemia drug.

Tasigna, known generically as nilotinib, won approval to treat chronic and accelerated phase Philadelphia chromosome-positive, chronic myeloid leukemia. The form of the blood cancer affects about 4,500 Americans a year.

I wonder if this would have helped my dad. Induction therapy didn't work for him.

I make sure to eat at least 1 fruit a day as a proactive measure.