Discipline

[1stwahine]

Re: Discipline...

But thats what they do with kids that have those "disorders"

Everyone has something wrong with them.
This reminds of that movie Gattaca

While I admit some of these "disorders" are extreme....but I think the same logic can be applied. Disorders "help" make people who they are. That hyper kid can do something great....who knows.

Wow! Mahalo PoiBoy! I feel NORMAL NOW!

I have to watch Gattaca!!!

Auntie Lynn

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Discipline

Reading this thread, I give praise to blueyecicle's methods and perspective.

[blueyecicle]

Re: Discipline

Reading this thread, I give praise to blueyecicle's methods and perspective.

Awwww.....
It's just experience with my kids. Desperate mom!

[LocoBoy]

Re: Discipline

I have a daughter thats about to be 2 and two boys, 13 & 9 and man do they go some weird stages. You gotta roll with it and try different kinds of diciplines, ei: taking away priviledges, time outs, going to bed early or try combinations of differents types to get a response. I've been able, with the help of my wife, raise some darn good kids . I'm sorry that you feel your 3 yr old is a punk but you gotta develope the patience (I know its hard) and love that makes you the better parent.

[blueyecicle]

Re: Discipline

I have a daughter thats about to be 2 and two boys, 13 & 9 and man do they go some weird stages. You gotta roll with it and try different kinds of diciplines, ei: taking away priviledges, time outs, going to bed early or try combinations of differents types to get a response. I've been able, with the help of my wife, raise some darn good kids . I'm sorry that you feel your 3 yr old is a punk but you gotta develope the patience (I know its hard) and love that makes you the better parent.

Nothing ever works permenantely! I wish it did! Nothing works the same for each kid either.
One of my boys, I have to be FIRM the other one....he cries and falls apart if I whisper too looud!

[PoiBoy]

Re: Discipline...

I have to watch Gattaca!!!

Auntie Lynn

It's a good movie. One of my favorites.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Discipline

How did I miss this thread?


Blueyecicle's advice is good advice. As a three year old it's all about attention and pushing the limits. At three years old a child is beginning to develop his or hers cognative abilities. But like a robot with a program of understanding, it has to test the waters and find out where the limits are before they will become obedient to their surroundings and external stimuli.

Unlike a robot however, it takes repetition of learning for the human brain to comprehend what is right and wrong at that age.

How you respond to your child's rage or inattention will determine how they will learn and react in all future engagements. Yelling or hitting a child repeatedly will tell the child it's okay to do the damage until extreme action against you is necessary.

When they grow up simple cautions or rules aren't enough for them to see when they are doing bad things. They keep doing the mischief until a higher order of authority or action is placed upon them. Unfortunately we call them criminals.

What Blueyecicle's methods allow is for a child to understand consequences at an early stage of their actions that it is wrong. When these children grow up, simple policies or verbal warnings not to do bad things are sufficient...typically.

There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is internal and is a learned behavior. Punishment is external and is stimuli to what an undisciplined mind receives. The brain responds to external stimuli to develop it's ability to learn.

Physical punishment has it's place but must be used carefully and followed up with responsible action. If all the brain receives is pain from physical punishment, then guess what the brain learns? It learns to resolve issues one must hurt another to get their point across.

By putting a child on a time out or holding a hyper-active child, it gives the child time to think out what just happened and follow the subsequent external stimuli on how to remedy the situation.

Remember a child isn't born into this world an evil one. Bad habits or behavior is learned. Their environment is a hotbed for stimuli and in a child's developmental years (birth to age 5) their brain is soaking it all up like a dry sponge in a bucket of water. You expose that child to bad things, they will absorb that as normal and the seed is planted.

Give the child a nurturing and stimulating environment of positive learning and you'll have a child that internalizes good behavior.

Like I've said many many times before on HT, invest in your child now or pay later. I can't remember the exact statistics but for every dollar spent in early childhood development (preschools, etc), society saves $500 in incarceration when that child grows up.

Discipline is a learned behavior and if you want your child to be disciplined you have to teach them that. Punishment isn't teaching, it's just a reaction on your part to a child trying to understand where their boundries are.

Like a company policy on levels of discipine, there are usually three levels of discipline: Verbalwarning, written warning, and suspension. Failure to adhere to any of these levels leads to termination.

Termination can best be described as punishment. Physical punishment should also be construed as the result of lack of discipline. But as an employee how would you react if fired for a first time offense of breaking a policy you didn't even know exists? Probably pissed off instead of being understanding.

A child will react the same way and that's why Blueyecicle's methods work because it allows the child to learn and understand right from wrong without being punished. A child being punished the first time around doesn't teach them anything, they just react without understanding what happened. In other words they learn when things don't go right in their lives, physical abuse is the only corrective measure.

Now replace physical punishment with yelling, screaming or otherwise taunting the child with, "Eh you going do that again I going call da police man"

What does that teach a child, that a police officer is the bad man. I hear that all the time at Home Depot when a parent has to deal with an unruly child, "See the man goin' come and scold you so behave".

I respond by giving the child a sticker and saying, "Thanks for not climbing all over the shopping cart, have a good day now". Instead of rewarding the parent for their ill-remarks, I reward the child for stepping down.

[Miulang]

Re: Discipline

Interesting new study that is being published in the journal Child Development about the possibility that the genes that are passed down to a child may determine whether or not that child will end up being a hellion.

In a study of adult twins and their children, researchers found that genes, rather than parents' own argumentative behavior, seemed key in the children's odds of serious conduct problems — like bullying, skipping school and shoplifting.

...In the case of child behavior, research has linked parents' marital conflicts to long-term, serious conduct problems in their children. However, it has been unclear whether that means that marital woes themselves cause the behavioral problems.

The new findings suggest it's more a matter of genes. That is, parents who are naturally argumentative pass on these traits to their kids.

...In this case, Harden's team found that genetic influences were important in parents' marital conflicts, and genes, in turn, explained the link between marital discord and children's conduct problems.

...There may be no "argument" gene, but genes do influence personality traits, including those that make people more or less prone to confrontation.

According to Harden, it's possible that genes involved in risk-taking, sensation-seeking and other aspects of antisocial behavior may make parents more likely to clash, and, when passed on to their kids, make conduct problems more likely.

However, the researchers stress, none of this means that fights between parents do no harm to children.

Miulang

[Ecntrc]

Re: Discipline

blue's advice is what I would take. I dont hit my kid. Its only when he fustrates me. The past two days have been hell with him, but today he listened 8 out of 10 times, thats not exact but example. And it results in that hes getting sick. He told me today that his mouth hurts. 'All the way in the back mommy'. I was like ok. But hes been real good. I do believe that at this early age I cannot expect him to fully listen 100% because hes still a little rugrat. I just wanted to know what others do when your kid dosent listen.

As for the ADD, my husband made a comment and said z is going to have ADD and i told him to shut his mouth because thats not true. I mean dont get me wrng, my nephew is full blown add. To the point where I dont want to be around him because he just dosent listen. Either that or hes just too cooped up in his apartment house when he hits the beach or our yard at my moms house all hell breaks loose. I dont believe in feeding my kid medication until I get enough doctors opinions. I had to get 3 opinions with his asthma just for my knowing.

When I see z around other children in a learning type enviroment hes very focused and loves to pay attention. When we read his eyes are glued. My kid already knows how to use the computer and he turns 3 in a couple weeks. He dont know how to type like spell correctly but hes got the mouse down real well. So I know he can pay attention and be focused.

I will read Miulang's site she posted. Thanks again guys I appreciate. Feel free to add more!!

[blueyecicle]

Re: Discipline

My in laws tried to tell me my 3 year old was Autistic and my friend told me he had ADD, no one knows but me!
He is a boy and active....sometimes it gets pretty rough and stressful.
In the end you just do the best you can and no one can sit in your shoes so they can't say what he needs.
And FYI they were ALL wrong! He was tested and he is just fine. My Dr. said tell everyone to shut the hell up, and ignore them! hehehe
NOTHING feels worse than thinking they are misbehaving and it turns out they are getting sick or have something wrong!
I remember Gage crying when we went to the coast and he cried for 2 whole hours, by the end I was bawling...I had changed him and fed him and everything! We got to the car and he had a diaper rash and a huge mess! But I could not smell it because it wa windy and we were on the beach, and it didn't leak!! BAD just from the 2 hours we walked!
I felt like the worst mom ever!
But they just cannot communicate like we can....and it's ok. live and learn.

Hang in there! Some days are easier than others.

[Kahalu'u Kid]

Re: Discipline

Organized sports like Little League baseball, soccer, basketball, judo, karate ... basically anything, are good tools for instilling discipline. Most children love being part of a group especially if it involves something fun--and they don't even realize they're being taught discipline. The other good thing about it is that another adult (the coach or teacher) is also reinforcing the child's good behavior--not just the parents.