Most of you know me. I'm a pretty relaxed guy, not very passionate, pretty apathetic when it comes to most political causes. I try to stick to the fluffier topics on HT, and never tell people what to do or think.
But something has lit a fire under my butt, and I've got to say something. Senate Bill 2464 and House Bill 2626 would establish the Hawaiian Monk Seal as the official State Mammal of the state of Hawaii. While I'm completely in favor of preserving the species, as these bills are designed to encourage, I must urge you all not to support the passage of these bills into law, designating the seal as the official State Mammal.
First, we already have a State Marine Mammal: The humpback whale. These graceful, beautiful creatures which sing their songs and slap their tails upon the water not only bring valuable tourist dollars to Hawaii, but they prevent the destruction of the earth by gigantic, black, one-testicled space-salamis. So not only are they tasty, but they provide for the common defense, just as our founding fathers suggested all Americans must do. Establishing the Hawaiian monk seal as the State Mammal would place it in a position higher and more revered than that of the humpback, especially since both are marine mammals! The passage of this one act into law will immediately UNDO the legislation that declared the humpback our official state marine mammal!
One marine mammal can't be our official marine mammal while another marine mammal is the official mammal! Can't anyone see what this will do to the order of things? It just doesn't make sense!
Okay, second: The Hawaiian monk seal, while worth preserving, is not the kind of model mammal we want our children looking up to! What does a monk seal do but lie upon the beach all day demanding to be left alone? Yes, the monk seal is exactly the kind of itinerant, derelict, homeless beach-squatter we can't seem to get Waianae-coast beaches rid of, no matter how many bulldozers we bring in or how many shacks we push over. Monk seals cost us resources because whenever they take up residence upon a beach, we must cordon off the area with yellow "crime scene" tape, and volunteers must keep an eye on the seals 'round the clock to make sure they don't break into neighboring houses and steal sardines or cans of tuna, or plastic soda-can rings, which I hear they're quite fond of munching on. This blockade of the beach areas surrounding a dozing seal also takes away beach access, which the Declaration of Independence, the Bible, and the Star-Spangled Banner guarantee us as citizens of Hawaii Nei.
I ask you: What kind of message does this send to the children?
And have you been close enough to a monk seal to smell it? I assure you, if all its other habits weren't enough to keep you off the lovely sandy beaches of Hawaii, the smell alone would do it.
Bad smells equal bad tourism.
If you never communicate with your state lawmakers, I beseech you to do it now. Get your elected leaders on the phone and tell them to prevent this miscarriage of government BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! VOTE NO ON SB2464 and HB2626!!!!!!!!
But something has lit a fire under my butt, and I've got to say something. Senate Bill 2464 and House Bill 2626 would establish the Hawaiian Monk Seal as the official State Mammal of the state of Hawaii. While I'm completely in favor of preserving the species, as these bills are designed to encourage, I must urge you all not to support the passage of these bills into law, designating the seal as the official State Mammal.
First, we already have a State Marine Mammal: The humpback whale. These graceful, beautiful creatures which sing their songs and slap their tails upon the water not only bring valuable tourist dollars to Hawaii, but they prevent the destruction of the earth by gigantic, black, one-testicled space-salamis. So not only are they tasty, but they provide for the common defense, just as our founding fathers suggested all Americans must do. Establishing the Hawaiian monk seal as the State Mammal would place it in a position higher and more revered than that of the humpback, especially since both are marine mammals! The passage of this one act into law will immediately UNDO the legislation that declared the humpback our official state marine mammal!
One marine mammal can't be our official marine mammal while another marine mammal is the official mammal! Can't anyone see what this will do to the order of things? It just doesn't make sense!
Okay, second: The Hawaiian monk seal, while worth preserving, is not the kind of model mammal we want our children looking up to! What does a monk seal do but lie upon the beach all day demanding to be left alone? Yes, the monk seal is exactly the kind of itinerant, derelict, homeless beach-squatter we can't seem to get Waianae-coast beaches rid of, no matter how many bulldozers we bring in or how many shacks we push over. Monk seals cost us resources because whenever they take up residence upon a beach, we must cordon off the area with yellow "crime scene" tape, and volunteers must keep an eye on the seals 'round the clock to make sure they don't break into neighboring houses and steal sardines or cans of tuna, or plastic soda-can rings, which I hear they're quite fond of munching on. This blockade of the beach areas surrounding a dozing seal also takes away beach access, which the Declaration of Independence, the Bible, and the Star-Spangled Banner guarantee us as citizens of Hawaii Nei.
I ask you: What kind of message does this send to the children?
And have you been close enough to a monk seal to smell it? I assure you, if all its other habits weren't enough to keep you off the lovely sandy beaches of Hawaii, the smell alone would do it.
Bad smells equal bad tourism.
If you never communicate with your state lawmakers, I beseech you to do it now. Get your elected leaders on the phone and tell them to prevent this miscarriage of government BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! VOTE NO ON SB2464 and HB2626!!!!!!!!
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